


Falling

by miss_aligned



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Mass Effect 1, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-21
Updated: 2016-05-21
Packaged: 2018-06-09 19:19:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6919795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miss_aligned/pseuds/miss_aligned
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaidan has spent a lot of time trying to control his reactions and remain calm. In the heat of the moment, the grip on his power slips and he risks ruining everything he has with the person he respects most in the galaxy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falling

Husks were horrible things. Mindless, grasping, gruesome caricatures of humanity. They were the fuel of nightmares and sometimes it felt like there were endless numbers of them set up as opposition. No matter how many times he saw them, Kaidan found them disturbing.

It was as he was being overrun by them that something unfurled deep within his core. As their cold, filthy hands seized him, his muscles tensed. When they pushed forward, piling on top of him in their hurry to stifle and kill, his amp blazed with heat just under his skin. A blast of blue consumed his field of vision for a moment, and the husks grunted and groaned as they were flung outward and away from him. After a moment, Kaidan heard the expected noises of weight hitting the ground, armor crunching, and the sickening thuds of husks tossed aside.

Wait. The husks weren’t wearing armor.

He sat up quickly, taking note of the battlefield. He could hear Wrex roaring and laughing nearby as he took on an over-sized group of husks alone. Shepard was… he wasn’t sure. She had been just ahead of him only moments ago, but now she was nowhere to be seen. A sickening feeling welled in the pit of his stomach as he scrambled to his feet, gun in hand, fearfully scanning the heaps of bodies scattered everywhere.

He desperately hoped that she’d just pushed ahead and moved beyond his immediate line of sight. Some small voice in the back of his mind, however, suggested that he look harder. She wouldn’t have left him behind.

After missing what he sought on his first pass, he realized that a dark boot was sticking out from under a couple of motionless husk corpses. He practically dove into the pile, gun clattering to the ground as he roughly tossed aside mangled parts to get to the armored form beneath it all.

“Shepard!” he pulled her arm up to help her off of the ground, not realizing she’d gone limp and was unconscious. “Oh my God.”

He realized then what had happened. She must have been pulling the husks off of him when he blasted them back with his biotics. She’d been hit just like they had, though she’d had a shield of bodies to buffer the initial blast, thankfully. Fear coursed through his veins along with a healthy dose of adrenaline as he curled his hand behind her neck and turned her face so he could get a good look at her.

There was a clean scrape across the side of her temple leading onto her forehead, but otherwise it appeared that she was whole. He was never going to forgive himself if her death was a result of blunt force trauma originating from him. No one else would, either.

Shepard’s eyelids fluttered and opened. A look of pure trepidation crossed her features as her eyes slowly moved to focus on Kaidan. He felt her entire body tense, and when it did, shame and despair washed over him. He’d seen that look before, and it broke his heart.

After all these years, with all of the effort he’d put into maintaining control and being cautious, he’d blown it all apart in a moment with yet another careless use of force. Kaidan couldn’t even bear to look her in the face. He felt her move in his hands, and he let her, knowing how hard she was going to recoil and that she wouldn’t let him near her again. Just like Rahna.

He thought he’d grown to be a fully functional human, but it had been confirmed yet again that he was an anomaly. A monster. An unstable bomb just waiting to blow. The image of Rahna all those years ago, the moment she’d stopped seeing him as a person, was seared into his memory. With a pang of regret and humiliation, he realized that Shepard’s similar expression would remain there, too.

A look of complete shock crossed his features when he felt her arms wrap around his neck. He hadn’t seen it coming since he was looking shamefully away, and his back went rigid in her tight embrace.

“I didn’t mean to get in the way. I’m glad you’re okay,” she whispered, just loud enough for him to hear.

Kaidan pulled away, staring at her in disbelief. He’d fully expected her to push him back and demand that he keep his distance for the remainder of the mission. That was the reaction that people who couldn’t control themselves or their power deserved, after all. She looked at him now with admiration, however, and he was baffled by the sudden shift.

“You’re not scared?” His voice was hoarse and unsure.

“I was for a second when I saw you disappear under all those husks, but you’re not hurt, right?” Shepard responded as she brushed herself off and slowly rose to her feet. She caught his bewildered gaze and paused. “What?”

“You’re okay with what I just did?” He couldn’t believe she wasn’t yelling at him or shrinking away from his touch. He wasn’t sure he could handle rejection of that magnitude a second time, but he wanted to know immediately if he’d just ruined his chances in a barely-budding relationship as it was.

“Why, because it hit me? Listen, do what you need to do to stay alive. That’s what matters.” Shepard picked up her pistol and checked to make sure that it wasn’t damaged in the fray. “If you’d held back just for fear of injuring me and ended up getting yourself killed, then I wouldn’t be okay with it.”

“Am I all alone out here or what?” Wrex interrupted via the comms with an amused tone in his voice. He was probably inundated with enemies but having the time of his life.

She offered a reassuring smile as she rubbed the back of her head, most likely where she’d hit the ground. “Hell of a blow, though. Nice job.”

“Wait, I probably gave you a concussion,” the lieutenant admitted, a very uncomfortable ache settling in his chest at the admission. “We need to get you to Dr. Chakwas.”

“We’re sort of in the middle of a fight,” Shepard responded. “I’ll go see her as soon as we’re done here. I promise.”

“Shepard,” Kaidan began, even when he was completely baffled regarding the many things he wanted to say to her. To ask her.

She glanced around suspiciously. He instinctively reacted to her vigilance, joining her in scanning the vicinity and hauling his gun up so that it would be ready to fire if needed. Despite his supposed readiness, she surprised him again by leaning up and planting a peck on his cheek. Shepard smirked playfully at the look of befuddled shock displayed prominently across his features.

Kaidan continued staring at her in disbelief, even as she jogged away to back up the krogan. He felt awful for having hit her with his biotics, but she seemed largely unfazed by the ordeal. He dared to think that she might even have been impressed or proud. Taking a deep breath, he attempted to settle his nerves. He hadn’t ruined everything. She didn’t hate or fear him for reacting naturally.

He wouldn’t have been able to describe the feeling even if he’d tried. Freedom. Joy. Relief. Acceptance. Even as he dove straight into another firefight, he couldn’t quite remember happiness fluttering in his heart as it was right then. He didn’t have to hold back. He didn’t have to be afraid. The crazy, wonderful woman he dared to pursue accepted everything about him. Proudly.

Whatever happened from here on out, he was sure he wasn’t going to forget this moment.


End file.
